It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
