I wish I could teleport
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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