Swine flu. Run for my life!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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