If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
