Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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