True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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