I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
