Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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