I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize