C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We need to get me chipped asap
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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