She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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