jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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