he thought i was a dude.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
love makes seman taste better
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
