well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
