I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
