Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
