I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
