We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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