just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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