I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
