did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize