I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
