I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize