just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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