Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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