with your own penis?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
