Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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