I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
