And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
