1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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