i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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