If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
