Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize