Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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