so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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