Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
