I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
