carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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