so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
