Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
