your room smells of hookers.
And success
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize