who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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