do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
