So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
