I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
