Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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