Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
