I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
