she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
