Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
