You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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