Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
