i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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