Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
