Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
