They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
