please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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