i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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