it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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