Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
