I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
