You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
