So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Duck Duck Cougar?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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