That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
