I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
