she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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