found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
