Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
