Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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