i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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