his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
