You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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